Back to where we started: Returning home.
Healing through trauma.
Heartache is painful. So very painful. But the transformation that I feel moving through this is profound. Releasing. Challenging myself. Stepping into states of empowerment and strength when I have felt disempowerment and fear for 4 years in an abusive marriage.
I am standing in true authenticity now. Speaking my truth and standing up for what I believe. Listening and challenging myself to hold space and share love and compassion when I’m met with resistance or different views. There is this dichotomy between holding space and standing for my views. I can honor my beliefs and wishes, but also be assertive with my boundaries.
It’s been waiting to surface for years. But…I recognize that my nervous system was in such a state of dysregulation and overload, that my authentic views, emotions, and true wishes for my life were placed on hold in crisis mode. When an overpowering soul reacts with anger, yelling and aggression when I spoke my truths…my reactions for protection began to move towards dissociation. For protection. My voice quieter each passing day. My throat tighter each week. Until the ultimate attempt of my partner to fully cut off my voice, with his arm against my throat in aggression.
Reacting with every ounce of strength I could muster and running with the fastest and most agile pace I’ve ever had. Faster than any track race. Faster than any fun run. Faster than any sprint practice at the gym. Running for my safety and protection of my body and soul.
As I start to return home to my body, spirit and soul…I am reminded about the girl who has passion exuding from pores and laughter that fills the room. I curate sacred spaces that bring me ease, peace and joy. I dance and sing to release and move towards higher energies like bliss. Releasing what no longer serves me through EFT tapping and somatic release exercises. Grounding myself to feel deeply connected with my body after many years of dissociation in moments of crisis: grounding my bare feet into the dirt, digging in the garden, and using mindfulness in nature.
It feels so amazing to be back to my open heart, healing soul and connected body. These tools are so valuable and the lessons I have learned through CEU courses as an occupational therapist and many moments where I have actively sought out holistic healing remedies to support my nervous system. As I speak about my abuse and my healing path, I am in deep gratitude for those that continue to share their stories. I am in deep gratitude for those that listen and share. In deep authentic and compassion, I am grateful for you.
In gratitude.
Bethany Michelle
